Christian ZABBAL - The Black Cat's Usenet - 1:109/401

I thought you folks would get a kick out of this.  I wrote with three friends
(one for each OS) a couple of days ago, while we were watching WWF.  If
anyone can think of funnier comments, more contestants, etc..., please e-mail
me or post them.  I'll keep adding them and I'll re-post the War Report if
there are enough changes.

Christian (kris@binkley.cs.mcgill.ca)
-------------------------------------

WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!

Welcome to the OS wars!  Welcome to the Coliseum, the home of the upcoming
battle of the Operating Systems Wars.  Before your very eyes, in just a few
moments, you will see the different OSes enter the ring.  This promises to be
the most exciting and contested battles for the domination of YOUR desktop.
There will be no mercy shown and no prisoners taken, and they all know it!
So, with no more ado, let me introduce the contestants!!!

{Wild applause}

"And to begin with, from the stables of massive Microsoft, wearing the white
stripes, let's welcome the title-holder, the OS which has held the belt for
nearly ten years, the most popular OS ever created, the base on which all
else must built, the mighty ...  DOS!!!"

{Wild cheering, as an aging, tired, thin fighter walks into the ring}

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen!  In its sixth incarnation, the original OS for
desktops, the standard, the one and only DOS!  He's got built in disk
compression software, he can run all the software out there, from games to
spreadsheets, and he's the only one who can still squeeze into a 286!  Give
it up for DOS!"

Don:  So, Jack, what do you think of DOS's chances this year?

Jack:  Well, Don, I expect we'll see DOS's belt pass on today.  He's just too
old, too limited.  He hasn't kept up with the hardware of today, and he's
just not as fit as he used to be.  All those memory problems, you know.  And
all those scandals with LANs, multi-tasking, etc...  No, I think DOS is going
down today.

Don:  Ah, but what about the fans, Jack?

Jack:  Of course, he's got the advantage there.  10 Million fans can make a
lot of noise, and DOS will certainly benefit from their support.  But I think
that the crowd is fickle:  it can choose a new champion in the blink of an
eye, and DOS is just not exciting any more.

Don:  I agree.  What with the Pentiums and the Alphas coming, our friend is
just not up to it anymore.  Still, folks, don't give him up for dead.
Stranger things have happened at the Coliseum!

"And now, in the blue corner, again from Microsoft's stables, fighting in
this battle alongside DOS, the original WYSIWYG, the add-on that leaves no
one indifferent, the program many cannot do without, in its third
incarnation, the one and only ...  WINDOWS 3.1!!!"

{Wild cheering, as a fitter, meaner-looking heavyset fighter walks in the
ring and stands next to DOS.}

"Yes, folks, it's him.  You want device independence?  He's got it.  You want
similar interfaces across applications?  He's got it.  You want fancy
graphics and windows?  He's got them too.  You want memory management?  Just
ask for it.  You want multitasking?  He can do it.  Give it up for Windows!!"

Don:  Ah, Windows is back.  Any opinion, Jack?

Jack:  Well, no one is really banking on Window's winning this middleweight
bout, Don.  Too slow, too kludgy.  Still, he's got lots of fight left in him,
you know.  Lots of software out there for him, and that matters a lot.
Still, I don't think he's got the stamina or the strength to win it here
tonight.  A good fighter, in my opinion, but not good enough for this crowd.

Don:  I tend to agree, Jack, but for different reasons.  I don't think his
partner is really an asset in the coming fight.  DOS is just keeping Windows
back, in my opinion.  The OS is still DOS, and that means no long files, no
multitasking, etc...  I just don't believe in that team anymore, but as you
said they have a large loyal following, and let's see what happens.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, again from the stables of Microsoft, the
successor to Windows, the most talked-about OS around, the long-awaited
arrival of ...  WINDOWS NT!!!"

{Cheering as a lean, muscular fighter, three times as big as DOS, walks
slowly to the Red corner.}

"Yes folks, it's Windows with the extra power!  It can multitask, it can
network, it can run some Windows and DOS software, it's from Microsoft!!
Give it up for Windows NT!!!"

Don:  A newcomer, Jack?

Jack:  Yes, Don, we've heard lots about Windows NT lately.  He's been tagged
as a strong contender here tonight, and he certainly seems to be able to hold
his own.  Still, though.  he's a bit too expensive for my taste, Don, and I
don't like his interface.

Don:  I personally like the power, Jack.  It's big and bulky, but it gets the
job done.  And it's a relief not to worry about memory, TSR, etc...  I think
Windows NT will be a big contender here tonight.

Jack:  I like the server/client power, but I think Microsoft should have
started him earlier.  Two years ago he would have taken the belt.  Tonight
the fight is going to be much tougher.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!  Now approaching the blue corner, led by his manager,
the Giant of the Industry, mighty IBM, the OS of choice for a growing number
of millions, the power OS which is challenging DOS for the belt, now in its
second incarnation ...  OS/2 2.1!!!"

{Wild cheering as a muscular fighter, tall and strong, walks to the blue
corner.}

"Yes, folks, it's OS/2!  You asked for pre-emptive multitasking, he gave it
to you!  He can run 256 DOS and Windows programs at the same time, and he's a
native 32-bit OS!  You wanted power and user-friendliness, and here it is!
He gives you REXX and networking and an object-oriented OS!  Give it up for
the Challenger, OS/2!!!"

Don:  OS/2 sounds like a favorite here tonight, Jack?

Jack:  Yes, a surprise actually.  I certainly didn't expect this large number
of fans.  The fans like him because he's user friendly, and he's certainly
got the muscle to go up against the best of them.  A very slight advantage in
terms of raw power to Windows NT, I think, but much more compatibility with
DOS and Windows software for OS/2.  The fans _like_ him, and that's the most
important thing.

Don:  I like him too, but I think he's in for a good fight.  A possible
liability will be his manager.  I wonder whether IBM can take him to the top.
HE can certainly do it in the ring, but what's going to happen outside?

"Finally, folks, straight from the heavyweight arena, the undisputed champion
of the workstations, the vanquisher of VMS, arguably the most powerful OS in
use today, the master of the Internet ...  UNIX!!!"

{Cheering as a huge fighter approaches the ring, swinging biceps in motion.}

"Yes folks, it's him!  Straight from the arenas of the heavyweight bouts,
it's UNIX.  Multitasking?  Forget it.  He's into multi-user!  Networking?
HA!  This guy runs half the Internet.  Limits?  Don't make him laugh.  He
runs on Cray Supercomputers and now, as he fights for your desktop, give a
big hand to ...  UNIX!!!"

Don:  Very impressive, don't you think Jack?

Jack:  Oh yes.  UNIX is definitely the most powerful fighter here today.
Multi-user, multi-tasking, and with enough muscle to make DOS look like a
Nintendo.  Very impressive.

Don:  Power, yes, but I didn't give him favorite status because of lack of
software.  He can't run DOS software, at least not natively, and that's going
to be a big weakness in the coming battle.

Jack:  Yes, of course, that and the fact that he's not user-friendly at all,
and has few fans in this weight category...  Hmmm....  He has a very tough
fight ahead of him.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  You've met the contestants.  You've heard the intros.
As you know, there can only be one winner in the Coliseum!!  Who will be left
standing when the dust clears?  You will help decide, as these fighters
begin...  THE DESKTOP RUMBLE!!!!!

LET THE WARS BEGIN, AND LET THE BEST OS WIN!!!

*EOF(OS_WARS.TXT)
