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== PICK-UP LINE HUMOR
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I recently came across an interesting statistic:

Men who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi":  71%
Women who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi":  100%

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He:  I'm a really good cook!
She: What do you cook best?
He:  Breakfast in bed!  (grins)

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What do you like for breakfast?

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Let's do breakfast tomorrow.  Should I call you or nudge you?

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If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
   or
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you between f and ck.

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I saw your picture in the dictionary today...next to the word 'beautiful'.

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Nice dress/pants, can I talk you out of it?

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What's your sign?

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The best part of me is covered up.
(If wearing swim trunks, a bikini, or a skimpy outfit)

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Overheard in our computer lab:
Just because your computers are incompatible, doesn't mean we are.

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Is your daddy a thief?
No.
Then who stole those diamonds and put them in your eyes?

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Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

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Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

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You know, you're very easy on the eyes.
   or (for the braver males)
You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.

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There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

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(At an engineering school luncheon)

He:  Your eyes are emitting magnetic fields.
She:  Oh, and how do magnetic fields feel?
He:  Attractive...

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Do you have a map?  I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

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Are those fuck-me eyes, or fuck-you eyes?

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Ya know, that wine really brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.

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Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder, and then
touches himself (all this while she is watching him) and says:

How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?

It worked for him...  :-)

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Do I know you from somewhere?  Or is it just that you have your clothes on?

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Excuse me, but don't you recognize me with clothes on?

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While we're on the subject of pick-up lines, how about bad pickup lines?
The absolutely worst pickup line I've heard is:

I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?

Then again, I fell for it (she seemed like such a nice girl).

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Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible".

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Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.

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She: I really enjoyed myself tonight.
He: I enjoyed myself too. Maybe sometime we can let our bodies enjoy each
other.

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That dress would look awfully nice on my bedroom floor.
   or
That miniskirt would look great crumpled up at the end of my bed.
   or
That's a cute outfit.  It would be even cuter wrinkled on my bedroom floor.
   or
I think that shirt would look great on the carpet beside my bed.

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That's a nice watch.  It would look great on my nightstand.

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If you happen to meet a girl while she is shopping for a new outfit:

Do you know what would look absolutely terrific on you?  Me.

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Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?

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Drop 'em.

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Excuse me.  Do you wanna fuck or should I apologize?

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If we're not related, I'd like to be.

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Say, didn't we go to different schools together?

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Say, wasn't I blissfully married to you once?

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Say, didn't we meet at Woodstock/college/the V.D. clinic?

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Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?

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Wanna fuck like bunnies?

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Help, I'm lost.  Which way is it to your house?
   or
Hi, I'm new in town.  Which way is it to your house?

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Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first
thing that pops up?

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Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.

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I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:

"Smile if you want to sleep with me."

then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...

Or he had cards that said:

"Here I am, madly in love with you, on the verge of killing myself for your
love
and I don't even know your  NAME__________  PHONE________"

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I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty
girl smile.  So, would you smile for me?

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Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?

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At the office copy machine:
"Reproducing, eh?  Can I help?"

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There's an aura about you that's hidden and I want to bring that aura out.

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Said to someone who is working at a job (waiter/waitress, salesperson, etc.):

What time do you get off and how?

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She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
He: Do you have the energy?

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Woman: Excuse me, do you have the time?
Man: Do you have the place in mind?

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I here there is a Toga Party tonight.  Hey baby, want to get into my sheet?

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What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?

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Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!!

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Say mother!  Want another?  (if she has children)

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Bond.  James Bond.

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Gosh, you're pretty/handsome!!!

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Stand back, I'm a doctor.  You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.

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Take a chance on me.

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Your place or mine?

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Your place or the mens bathroom?

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Your face or mine?

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This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.

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Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

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Do you want to come back to my place and pet my dog/cat?

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You have the ass of a great artist.

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A friend of mine who walked up to a young lady in a club and simply asked,
"Are
you ready to go home now?"  She smiled a bit, stood up, and they left
together.

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If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold *it* against me?

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When asked for a match:
How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
   or
My penis, your vagina.

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Is this love on a two-way street...or is it a dead end?

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I love you.  I want to marry you.  Now fuck my brains out.

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Forget that!  Playing doctor is for kids!  Let's play gynecologist.

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Interested in a hot and steaming dish of conversation?

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Do you know the difference between conversation and sex?
No.
Wanna go upstairs and talk?

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What did you say?  Oh, I thought you were talking to me.

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Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

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Let's go lie down and talk about it.

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Do you know the difference between hamburgers and head jobs?
No.
Let's do lunch then!

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So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just
conversation?

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I'm on fire.  Can I run through your sprinkler?

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I'd look good on you.

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I would kill or die to make love to you.

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I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.

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Sex is a killer...want to die happy?

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Hi!  Can I buy you a car?

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NOW, BITCH!

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Oh, I'm doing fine!  And you?
(While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything)

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Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?

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Hi, I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could recommend a good
restaurant here.  Would you also like to join me?

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My drink is getting lonely, so would you like to join me with one?

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Fancy a fuck?

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I had a wet dream about you last night.  Would you like to make it a reality?

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My face is leaving in 15 minutes.  Be on it.

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Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

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It's always good for you to see me again.

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The best pickup line I have ever heard and I have to admit it got my attention
was when I was out dancing one night and a guy came up to me and said:

Hey!  I like your shoes!  Do you like mine??

It worked and we are still friends today.

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He:  Have you ever had one of those fantasies where Greek gods feed you these
     little pickles?
She: No.
He:  Well, I'll have to show you what one is like, but it will be only one
Greek
     god (point to yourself, then look down at your crotch) and I won't be
     feeding you little pickles.

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Well, the worst pickup line I have ever heard (it was said to me) was:
I hate you...are you here with your friends?

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I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was
included.

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On the same note, one of my favorites (that I've never had the guts to try) is
to walk up to a girl, put your hands on her shoulders, and say, "I'd like to
get something straight between us."  and then look at your (you know)......

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Wanna Dance?
No!
Wanna Drink?
No!
Wanna Fuck?
Yes (pause) but not with you

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So, do you wanna see something really swell?

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That girl/guy I'm with, oh, she's/he's just my sister/brother.

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One of the worst pickup lines ever (most probably will get you slapped):
I had sex with someone last night.  Was that you?

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Another line that doesn't work:
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.

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For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

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Do you take it up the bum?  (This also does not work and can be painful)

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Is that a double-ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?

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Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

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Are we in the frozen food section, or are you just happy to see me?

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If I gave you a negligee for your birthday, would there be anything in it for
me?

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He:  Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you?
She: Uh...no....
He:  Well, do you want some?

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What would you do if I kissed you right now?

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Can I taste your drink/dish?  (Then lean over and kiss him or her.)

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Can I please be your slave tonight?

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You should be someone's wife.

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I have a single.

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Hi, I'm a fashion photographer.  Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

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Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering
if
you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

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Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with *these* two fingers?
(holding up any two)
Obvious reply: No, why?
Because they're mine.

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I had a friend give a card that had on the front:

	1       2       3       4
		Pick a number

and then on the back of the card it read:

		Sex maniacs always pick 3

you wouldn't believe how many women pick 3.  It was a great card.

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Wow!  Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?

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What can I do to make you sleep with me?
   or (for a lighter touch)
What can I do to make you mine?

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Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes?  (female version)
   or
Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?  (male version)

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Pardon me miss, but I couldn't help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

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Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

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Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?

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Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

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From: MAD Magazine: Classic Flops Spring 1986.

9 Very Unsuccessful Pick-up Lines:

1. Would you like to see my boa constrictor?
2. Is that a false nose?
3. You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
4. I'm drunk.
5. Hi, my friends call me Creepy.
6. Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
7. I just threw up.
8. You're ugly but you intrigue me.
9. I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.

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Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Congressional Medal of Honor?
   or
Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?

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He:  Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?
She (sheepishly): Yes.
He:  Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents?
She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am?
He:  We've established what kind of woman that you are, we're just haggling
over
     the price.

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Take an icecube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice,
will you sleep with me?

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I miss my teddy bear.  Would you sleep with me?

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Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you
knew..

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You know, I've *always* wanted to sleep with you.

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You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  135
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Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

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If you spot a girl waiting in a restaurant/theater/club for someone, go up to
her and say...

If he doesn't show up, I'll be right over here.

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I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  138
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If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

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Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your willy, and say:
Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?

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I require a tissue sample.  May I sever a little-used portion of your body?
(brandish forceps)

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Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation?  (Think about it...)

-= pick-up line humor =-=  142
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Hey baby...infect me!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  143
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Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?

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Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?

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Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  146
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Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  147
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I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when
I'm finished.

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Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way.  When she arrives
say,
"I knew if I fingered you long enough, you would come."
   or
"Do you always come when someone fingers you?"

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Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

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I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting...  Let's
meet sometime...

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God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.

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I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

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I am not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

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Would you like someone to mix with your drink?

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The front reads:
+-----------------------------------+
|No Phone                No Business|
|                                   |
|                                   |
|                                   |
|                                   |
|             No Name               |
|                                   |
|                                   |
|                                   |
|                                   |
|No Address                 No Money|
+-----------------------------------+

And the back reads:
+-----------------------------------+
|       I'M A SILENT SEDUCER        |
|                                   |
|Any chance to get into bed with you|
|tonight?  If so, keep the card; if |
|not, kindly return it because they |
|are expensive.  I'm not as good as |
|I once was.  But I'm good once as I|
|ever was!                          |
|                                   |
|P.S. You don't have to say yes     |
|                        Just Smile!|
+-----------------------------------+

-= pick-up line humor =-=  156
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Give a girl a business card with the following:

Plain Facts

Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four
minutes.  The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the
average length is six inches, the average girl receives two hundred and
sixteen
inches or eighteen feet per intercourse.  The average girl does it three times
a
week, fifty weeks a year, and so 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just a
little
over half a mile.

So girls, if you are not getting your half a mile a year, why not let the man
who gave you this card help you to catch up!

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No, I'm not a cop.  What can I get for fifty bucks?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  158
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Be unique and different, say yes.

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Will you marry me and have my children?  (unfortunate side-effects: beware!)

-= pick-up line humor =-=  160
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If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  161
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You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert?  Alone?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  162
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Do you believe in the hereafter?  Well, then I guess you know what I'm here
after.

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=------------------------------------------------

I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in
black,
did you know that?  What you need now is a nice backrub.  Are the straps too
tight, darling?  How tragic.  How very, very tragic.

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It's absolutely pure Bolivian.  And I don't *give* it away.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  165
=------------------------------------------------

Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick
you
up and take you home.  My, what a pretty dress.

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You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat
me to it.

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Would you like to be in movies?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  168
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Excuse me, do you live around here often?

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Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home
together?

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Would you like to see a baby picture of me?
(Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)

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=------------------------------------------------

Let's give our genes a chance to become congenial.

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Hey baby, let's go make some babies.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  173
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Do you want to go halves on a baby?
   or
Do you want to go halves on a bastard?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  174
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Hi, I'm taking a survey.  Do you spit or swallow?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  175
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You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book... So
what's
one more??

-= pick-up line humor =-=  176
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Hey babe, did you know I'm on the Harvard Mailing List?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  177
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What's your sign?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  178
=------------------------------------------------

And a subtle approach:

Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose.
What?
(reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP.
(If she laughs, she's yours; if she looks at you funny, apologize.)

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Nice shoes.  Wanna fuck?

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=------------------------------------------------

Follow these instructions:
1: Make sure that you are in the front of the person you're trying to attract.
2: Put your hands in a vertical plane and separate your hands to the proper
   distance you want to get across.
3: Look at the person of your affections and with a ear-to-ear grin, shake
your
   head up and down as to reply that you're this big!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  181
=------------------------------------------------

Whatever you do, don't ever cut that silky hair of yours!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  182
=------------------------------------------------

There's the old classic from the movie "Fletch" (to girl in towel):
Excuse me, could I borrow your towel?  My car just hit a water buffalo.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  183
=------------------------------------------------

She: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)?
He:  I like nothing better.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  184
=------------------------------------------------

I want to bear all your children.  (to a woman)

-= pick-up line humor =-=  185
=------------------------------------------------

I wonder what our children will look like.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  186
=------------------------------------------------

>NEW<

Would you be offended if I asked you to swallow my children?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  187
=------------------------------------------------

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  188
=------------------------------------------------

That's a nice dress.  Can I talk you out of it?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  189
=------------------------------------------------

Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  190
=------------------------------------------------

Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  191
=------------------------------------------------

Nice tits.  Mind if I feel them?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  192
=------------------------------------------------

Let's take a shower together, you smell.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  193
=------------------------------------------------

Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  194
=------------------------------------------------

You smell wet.  Let's party.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  195
=------------------------------------------------

I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  196
=------------------------------------------------

You smell delicious!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  197
=------------------------------------------------

May I end this sentence with a proposition?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  198
=------------------------------------------------

I've got an itch, honey.  Lower.  Lower.  In.  Out.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  199
=------------------------------------------------

If I was Elvis, would you screw me?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  200
=------------------------------------------------

I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  201
=------------------------------------------------

If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  202
=------------------------------------------------

Want to see my stamp collection?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  203
=------------------------------------------------

Want to come see my hard drive?  I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't
floppy.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  204
=------------------------------------------------

Don't you know me from somewhere?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  205
=------------------------------------------------

At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pick up the bread and say, "Wanna
roll?"

-= pick-up line humor =-=  206
=------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  207
=------------------------------------------------

Congratulations!  You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the
grand prize is a night with me!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  208
=------------------------------------------------

I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  209
=------------------------------------------------

Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?  (sure to get responses)

-= pick-up line humor =-=  210
=------------------------------------------------

Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  211
=------------------------------------------------

Cold outside, isn't it?  (staring at breasts)

-= pick-up line humor =-=  212
=------------------------------------------------

Brrr!  My hands are cold.  Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  213
=------------------------------------------------

Your legs look cold.  Do you want me to warm them up?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  214
=------------------------------------------------

Actually, ma'am, ah'm not as tall as you think.  Ah'm from Taixus, and ah'm
sittin' on mah wallet.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  215
=------------------------------------------------

Hey!  Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'

-= pick-up line humor =-=  216
=------------------------------------------------

I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data.  What are your
measurements?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  217
=------------------------------------------------

I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  218
=------------------------------------------------

Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines

10. I'm down here.
 9. Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
 8. I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi.
 7. I can get you off the naughty list.
 6. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
 5. I'm a magical being.  Take off your bra..
 4. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at
Keebler
 3. I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
 2. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
 1. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners.

  - Late Night with David Letterman, from Michael Wertheim

-= pick-up line humor =-=  219
=------------------------------------------------

Stare at a guy/girl for a long time, and when he/she notices for the second or
third time, go up to him/her and say...

I'm sorry for staring at you, but you look very much like someone I used to
date.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  220
=------------------------------------------------

Sometimes it can be helpful to start with a complement.  Example: after
"accidently" bumping her boobs, noticing a loose button, etc., say, "If they
weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened."

-= pick-up line humor =-=  221
=------------------------------------------------

Hey, somebody farted.  Let's get out of here.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  222
=------------------------------------------------

Are you busy the rest of the month?
   or
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  223
=------------------------------------------------

The most common pick-up line used in a gay bar:
May I push in your stool?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  224
=------------------------------------------------

I have only three months to live (heard it in a movie; of course, this was all
before AIDS)
   or
I'm filthy rich and have only six weeks to live.  Will you help me make these
next few weeks the happiest days of my life?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  225
=------------------------------------------------

Love is like a rug.  So you can walk all over me and lie on me.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  226
=------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
No.
Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  227
=------------------------------------------------

Chicks dig me.  I wear colored underwear.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  228
=------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  229
=------------------------------------------------

I'm a co-pilot for American Airlines.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  230
=------------------------------------------------

Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  231
=------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, do you have change for a $100 bill?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  232
=------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, but weren't you Shirley MacLaine in a past life?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  233
=------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, but weren't we blissfully married in a past life?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  234
=------------------------------------------------

When is our wedding date?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  235
=------------------------------------------------

Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  236
=------------------------------------------------

Will you marry me for just one night?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  237
=------------------------------------------------

Lines by women:
Please may I rest my head on your shoulder?
Do you know how to use this?  (holding up a vibrator)
How about a night of passion in Doncaster?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  238
=------------------------------------------------

He:  What was that?
She: What was what?
He:  That sound.
She: I didn't hear anything.
He:  It was the sound of my heart breaking.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  239
=------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, can you give me directions?
To where?
To your heart.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  240
=------------------------------------------------

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  241
=------------------------------------------------

I can raise your blood pressure.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  242
=------------------------------------------------

I'm an organ donor, need anything?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  243
=------------------------------------------------

You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  244
=------------------------------------------------

Weren't you a woman the last time we met?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  245
=------------------------------------------------

Do you have room in your life for a new friend?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  246
=------------------------------------------------

Do you sleep on your stomach?
No.
Can I?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  247
=------------------------------------------------

The only reason that I would kick you out of be would be to fuck you on the
floor.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  248
=------------------------------------------------

Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  249
=------------------------------------------------

Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  250
=------------------------------------------------

Gorgeous hair.  But it'd be even better brushing against my thighs.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  251
=------------------------------------------------

Approach a girl and say, "Do you like jewels."
Then lob your dick out and say, "Suck this, it's a gem!

Or do you like chicken?  Suck this, it's pretty foul!

Or do you like pork?  Suck this, it's dripping!"

-= pick-up line humor =-=  252
=------------------------------------------------

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  253
=------------------------------------------------

That's a nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you're wearing.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  254
=------------------------------------------------

What nice legs you've got.  I wouldn't mind wearing them as a belt, or neck
tie
if you prefer.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  255
=------------------------------------------------

Just where do those legs of yours end?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  256
=------------------------------------------------

Are your legs tired because you've been running through my mind all day?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  257
=------------------------------------------------

Nice socks.  Can I try them on after we have sex?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  258
=------------------------------------------------

I'd gladly give up my celibacy/virginity to be with you.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  259
=------------------------------------------------

Uh, oh.  My parents met at a place like this.  Let's get the hell out of here.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  260
=------------------------------------------------

Female to guy: Hi, you look like a real wanker.  (pause for effect)

The guys usually spend so much time trying to convince you that they're not a
"wanker" (that ego thingy) that in the end, they are trying to pick *you* up!
A snake charmer!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  261
=------------------------------------------------

Hi, I work as a raw meat inspector.  Let's go to your place for an inspection.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  262
=------------------------------------------------

Want a break tonight?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  263
=------------------------------------------------

You're the spitting image of my dead girlfriend.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  264
=------------------------------------------------

One pickup line that might get a laugh, if nothing else, is:
Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  265
=------------------------------------------------

My leech would like you as a new host.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  266
=------------------------------------------------

I think my medication is wearing off.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  267
=------------------------------------------------

You MUST have a nice personality.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  268
=------------------------------------------------

Does my breath smell okay?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  269
=------------------------------------------------

Pull my finger.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  270
=------------------------------------------------

He:  You look like my third wife.
She: Oh, how many time have you been married?
He:  Twice.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  271
=------------------------------------------------

Hi, my name's Dave.  Remember it, you'll be screaming it later tonight!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  272
=------------------------------------------------

Perhaps use this line at a business dinner on someone whom you've been eyeing
since this afternoon at the business meetings...

Let's talk about 'early retirement.'

-= pick-up line humor =-=  273
=------------------------------------------------

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees
through
broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  274
=------------------------------------------------

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees
through
broken beer bottles just to sniff the tire tracks of the laundry truck that
takes your panties to the cleaners.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  275
=------------------------------------------------

I'd drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile of hot
coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT have your dirty underwear on
board.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  276
=------------------------------------------------

I'd drag my balls through a mile of barbed wire just to hear you fart over a
field telephone.  (from the Vietnam era)

-= pick-up line humor =-=  277
=------------------------------------------------

I'd drag my balls through a mile of broken beer bottles and thumbtacks just to
to suck the cock that screwed you last.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  278
=------------------------------------------------

>NEW<

You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  279
=------------------------------------------------

If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  280
=------------------------------------------------

Here's your chance to get to know me.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  281
=------------------------------------------------

I love every bone in your body.  Especially mine!
   or
I love every muscle in your body.  Especially mine!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  282
=------------------------------------------------

There is much more here than what meets the eye.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  283
=------------------------------------------------

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  284
=------------------------------------------------

You are the reason men fall in love.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  285
=------------------------------------------------

I was, am, and will forever be crazy about you.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  286
=------------------------------------------------

I bet I could guess your weight if you sat on my face.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  287
=------------------------------------------------

Wanna play carnival?  That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess your
weight.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  288
=------------------------------------------------

Sit on my face and let me get to nose you better!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  289
=------------------------------------------------

Ohhh, what a man...I bet you do real well with the ladies.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  290
=------------------------------------------------

Nothing like a man who knows how to whisper sweet "nothings".

-= pick-up line humor =-=  291
=------------------------------------------------

I just had to come talk with you.  Sweetness is my weakness.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  292
=------------------------------------------------

You're so sweet, you're gonna put sugar out of business.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  293
=------------------------------------------------

How much do you weigh, Debbie?   C'mere, pull up a seat!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  294
=------------------------------------------------

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  295
=------------------------------------------------

Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  296
=------------------------------------------------

Hey, come here often?  You could, with me.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  297
=------------------------------------------------

You know, you might be asked to leave soon.  You're making the other women (or
men) look really bad.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  298
=------------------------------------------------

I'm new in town.  Could you give me directions to your apartment?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  299
=------------------------------------------------

Spoken with a fake foreign accent:

Hi, I'm new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I've see so far.
Can you give me a tour of your body?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  300
=------------------------------------------------

How about a pizza and a fuck?  Hey!!!  Don't you like pizza?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  301
=------------------------------------------------

Want to go get a pizza and then screw?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  302
=------------------------------------------------

He:  Hey!  How about we go to my house, have some pizza, beer, and a fuck?
She: (grimaces)
He:  What's the matter?  Don't like pizza?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  303
=------------------------------------------------

So, howzabout the two of us going back to my place and you run your fingers
through the hair on my back?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  304
=------------------------------------------------

He:  Hi, what's the color of your hair?
She: (tells him)
He:  And the hair on your head?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  305
=------------------------------------------------

He:  Excuse me, want to dance?
She: No.
He:  Maybe you didn't hear me...  I said you look really fat in those pants!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  306
=------------------------------------------------

Gee...you sure don't perspire much!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  307
=------------------------------------------------

I'm sensing the intense feeling you have for me...is it my cologne?
   or
I'm sensing the intense feeling you have for me...is it my deodorant?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  308
=------------------------------------------------

You're the one I've been saving this drink/seat/ticket to Hawaii/whatever for.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  309
=------------------------------------------------

Is your dad a baker?
No.
If not, where did you get those buns?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  310
=------------------------------------------------

Are you incredibly beautiful, or is it just my chemotherapy?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  311
=------------------------------------------------

Oh no, I'm choking!  I need mouth to mouth, quick!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  312
=------------------------------------------------

Oh excuse me!  I thought you were a moose.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  313
=------------------------------------------------

Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  314
=------------------------------------------------

In a restaurant:

Mmmm, this <food item> is delicious...but nothing would ever taste as good as
you look...or as you taste.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  315
=------------------------------------------------

In a restaurant:

This menu looks good, but you're the most delicious thing here.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  316
=------------------------------------------------

Do you always eat like that?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  317
=------------------------------------------------

My God, Darwin was right!  You have got the fittest body I've ever seen!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  318
=------------------------------------------------

Your body is like a haiku in motion.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  319
=------------------------------------------------

The better the batter, the better the butter.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  320
=------------------------------------------------

You know, I'm not just an interesting person, I have a nice body, too.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  321
=------------------------------------------------

What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??

-= pick-up line humor =-=  322
=------------------------------------------------

Hi, are those really yours?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  323
=------------------------------------------------

Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  324
=------------------------------------------------

Look at the tag on the back of a girl's shirt.  When she turns around, say,
"Just checking to see if you were made in heaven."

-= pick-up line humor =-=  325
=------------------------------------------------

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  326
=------------------------------------------------

I'd like to know the ingredients in the recipe that cooked you up...after I've
had a good taste of you, of course.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  327
=------------------------------------------------

What screws like a tiger and winks?  (follow it up with a wink)

-= pick-up line humor =-=  328
=------------------------------------------------

What is a classy place like this doing around a girl like you?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  329
=------------------------------------------------

You must be lost, because I have never seen anyone so beautiful/gorgeous in
this place before.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  330
=------------------------------------------------

So there you are!  I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  331
=------------------------------------------------

You are just truly absolutely beautiful!  Can you cook and clean also?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  332
=------------------------------------------------

Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to fuck me, don't you?
   or
Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
   or
Fuck me if I am wrong, but your name is Gertrude right?
   or
Fuck me if I am wrong, but you look like you want to kiss me.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  333
=------------------------------------------------

I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  334
=------------------------------------------------

You make my softwear turn to hardwear!

-= pick-up line humor =-=  335
=------------------------------------------------

Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  336
=------------------------------------------------

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  337
=------------------------------------------------

He:  'Ello Darlin', fancy a fuck?
She: No!
He:  Do you mind lying down while I do?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  338
=------------------------------------------------

I would say that I'm in love with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a
fast
one.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  339
=------------------------------------------------

Laugh if you will, but this one did actually work, when I tried it on a girl
after a night of countless failures:

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead
say no.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  340
=------------------------------------------------

Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say, "I'm not really this
tall...I'm sitting on my wallet."

-= pick-up line humor =-=  341
=------------------------------------------------

May I have the distinguished honor and privilege of sitting next to you?

-= pick-up line humor =-=  342
=------------------------------------------------

I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or
not I'm allergic to sex.

-= pick-up line humor =-=  343
=------------------------------------------------

He:  You're gorgeous.  I'd really love to invite you out sometime.
She: No, thanks.
Gal: <SLAP!>


inI
